Self-Confidence Isn't the Key, Clarity Is

I had a breakthrough today.

So, I have this amazing friend who does personal training and she just posted a body shot photo of hers, celebrating an accomplishment she's achieved – a weight loss that she's recently gone through.

She looks healthy (and I'm super proud of her!) but she said in this post that she needed to work on her confidence.

I hear this all the time from other professional women, when I ask what people want to talk about, a lot of times – like, almost every time – it comes up that they don’t have self confidence. They say a lack of confidence and low self esteem is a real inhibitor for them and they feel like confidence is the key they’re missing that’s keeping them from stepping forward.

I disagree.

Confidence is absolutely important and of course it’s relevant to the way that we see ourselves in our world but confidence is not the key.

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Self confidence is not the key.

I know I'm rocking some people's world, so let's break it down and let's think through this together.

Confidence isn't the first step.

Confidence isn't a switch you can flip. It’s not an automatic change you can implement. You can't just decide one day to be more confident. Therefore, to make a change – to decide to show up in life – to step forward – confidence is not the key.

Clarity is the key.

Once you have clarity about who you want to be and who you are in this moment, you’re able to make real progress.

By setting clarity around your vision of the desired future, you can begin to grow, build and exercise the confidence to take action and step into that future – the new body, that new self, that new job, that new role, that new relationship, that new moment, that new action. But clarity about wanting that is the key.

Here’s how it works

Clarity means establishing that future state in your mind so you can imagine what that new-state feels like and looks like, what your days will be like, how your routine will change, how you’ll do things differently. Once you are crystal clear on what you want, it will become more and more feasible, more and more real, less scary, less new, less unknown. Then you’ll begin to feel uncomfortable in your existing habits, in old patterns. The status quo begins to become intolerable.

The way our magnificent brains work then is to immediately find ways – big and small – to step into that change, that new reality.

And all of a sudden, the confidence to do the thing is there – but it’s not like a summoning of new energy or a big thrust of feeling forced to do it. Because you’ve been imagining the change with clarity, it’s as if your brain begins to say, “Of course this is what we’re gonna do – this is already how it is. No change. No risk. No fear.

In retrospect, everyone I've ever talked to, who felt like they've lacked confidence it’s because they hadn’t yet reached their point of clarity around exactly what they want.

Confidence isn’t the key – clarity is“

We're going to be talking about this more here and continue the conversation in our private FB Community and I invite you to join us here >>

If this clarity over confidence observation feels real for you too – let me know in the comments below with a “YES!” If you disagree or have stories to share, share those in the comments too!


Let me encourage you with this: If you feel like you have low self esteem, if you're not feeling confident, if you are feeling held back, insecure, like you just want to step forward into a new something, then take a moment and add some clarity around what you’re imagining: Exactly what it is that you want, exactly why you want it, and exactly how it's going to change your life.

Stop beating yourself up that you’re not confident.

Confidence isn't the key, clarity is. Let's take that for our action today.

With so much love, so much joy, and so much gratitude for you and for being here with you!

Tarah //